It's not a love story...

12:00 am, Saturday night.

"What is it that is not letting me sleep?", I asked myself.

And I'am not alone, it's a question that is being asked by many to themselves.

But yes, this is my story, and mind it, it is not just a love story!

Chapter 1. Lockdown 2020

The modern world is fast paced. One moment you have all the things in life, the next moment you don't. One day you have a job, one day you don't. Stress and joy is like a part and parcel of our daily lives. A weekend party takes the burden of all the stress you slogged through the week. 

You meet new people everyday at every point, you meet them at your workplace, at the nearest store and even online, but only some make it close to you.

Well, in my case, it was the start of 2020 and I met someone too, Online!

To start with, i mean to ellaborate it a little more, She was a friend of a friend. The "Mutual Friend" genre is quite strong these days. It gives a sense of trust somehow. My advice to you guys "go for it! send that request. Worst that could happen is she/he won't accept. Give yourself a point of trying atleast".

So this girl, I had friended online, lived and studied in the same city as mine. Born and brought up in different city, but studied here now.

Gosh!!! She was so beautiful that I just couldn't resist adding her to my friend list. For starting months, it was just liking each others pictures on social media.

Then eventually we started to talk in messages, and to my surprise she wasn't just a pretty face. She was smart, funny, and charmingly beautiful yet humble. Her hair, my god it was long, straight and wavy like an arrow that goes kissing in the air. 

Her face, soft like a baby, skin unperturbed and flawless. Her glow was just stunning. She was effortlessly beautiful! 

I just fall short of words describing her. I guess this is what happens when you are into someone so deeply with all your heart.

So, we started chatting and slowly and steadily shared numbers too. We started sharing about our daily lives, about our study, we would send jokes to cheer up each other, and shared anything we came across that we thought would be interesting for the other person.

From chatting we came to calling. My god! her voice. It was the sweetest i ever heard in my life. It was like a candyfloss melting in honey. And the first time we spoke, she just had me at "Hello".

She made me do what i never did before, a "Video call"!!

I was always so skeptic about video calls, I never liked the idea of seeing myself ugly on the front cam, but for her I took this giant leap of faith. She made me believe that whatever I was, I was good for her.

That time was lockdown period, and we couldn't go out and meet, we had to rely on calls and chats.

That period I was going through some rough phase in my life, I recently had a break up some months ago and she came like a bright light in the tunnel of my life. I became fond of her, to the extent that her message became the favourite part of my entire day.

The butterflies weren't just in stomach, they were everywhere. I was so much in love that I felt flowers blossoming everywhere even in the scorching heat of Varanasi summers.

One day, with all my courage, i proposed to her. She was shy and wasn't ready to accept. She thought it was in hurry. And here the stupid me, I was sure that if there is a girl on this damn planet that is for me, it is Her and just her.

We kept chatting and kept talking. We became so close that the feelings became mutual and we had no idea when love caught us both.

We both wanted a life together, all the talks became future tense from present. We could see how amazing life would be together. When you are deeply in love, you just can't wait to start that life you both wish for.

We could even name our futuristic kids. She even liked all the suggestions I gave for the names.

You see, that much love!

Chapter 2: Butterflies

Everyday we used to talk and become closer, it was like I could feel her in the same room I was. The days craved for love and the nights yearned to meet.

We were a couple who were deeply in love, but didn't meet yet. All we would say to each other was about the imagination of how our first meet would be.

Her study extended and she was supposed to go back to her hometown and study there. I desperately wanted to meet her, but I couldn't due to lockdown restrictions. I promised her I would come to meet her in her city.

She became a goal of my life. Apart from my study, I started earning some money to meet her.

No matter how bad my day was, her talks, her smile, her laugh on the calls, it made all my worries vanish at the end of the day. Her laugh was so satiating that i could take a bullet smilingly.

Her name became the password of my work system. It gave me butterflies in stomach typing her name everyday.

I planned to meet her on Nov 2020. I was excited like a boy going to an amusement park. Even she could sense how crazy I was for meeting her. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

Chapter 3. Misunderstandings

November came, and so came another wave of Covid. And I couldn't meet her.I was sad, and so was she. But she patiently said to wait, because if we were meant for life, then this short period of distance doesn't matter.

I was happy that I had her and distance didn't matter truly.

Time passed, we were together but there was always something bothering her, and I couldn't understand.

One day she let out all that was inside her, and it involved matters related to my ex too. Yes she was broken inside and I couldn't fathom the thought of me being the reason for it.

So in my stupidity and in my guilt, to not lose her, I did somethings and took some steps that created more misunderstandings.

In the intentions of getting her back, I ended up hurting her even more. I still regret of how stupid and cruel I could be about her feelings.

That was the day she broke up with me and told me not to contact her.

I still wasn't ready to give up and tried contacting. I ended up getting blocked everywhere, literally everywhere.

(Word of advice: never try to disturb a girl when she has asked you not to)

And then began a sob story for months...

Chapter 4: Post Break up scenes

Break ups are worst. It's like wrenching your heart and still lying to it that "everythings gonna be okay".

For weeks I was disturbed and sad like a baby who lost his favourite toy, which he thinks will never going to be replaced.

Friends who saw you as the party animal, start to pity you. For months I couldn't overcome that misery I was in.

I tried contacting her even via emails, but it all fell to deaf ears. It was like hitting a rock and expecting it to bleed.

That was the time I realised what I was doing. I was sad and pleading someone to love me. Which was wrong in the first place. 

Yes you have to admit mistakes and say sorry for that, but should never beg for love. Because its not your decision to make. Love should be both sides, and the other person has the full right to accept you or reject you. You need to pick up the pieces of yourself and move on. 

It's not quitting, you should never quit on people you love. But you should respect if someone doesn't want you right now. And that's what I did...

Chapter 5: It's Not Just a Love Story

Now here's the fun part!

The moment you realise you are not responsible for someone else's decision, you make peace with yourself.

And that's when you turn your sob story to a surviving one. And boy, i didn't just survive, I opened myself :)

Try to find your hobby again. That's what I did. I travelled, met new people, saw new places. I was whole again.

That is the moment I realised that I am still that loving and interesting person I always was. And I could confidently look at myself in the mirror and not feel pity about or sad about.

You see, you can wait for the other person to call you, your whole life, but you need to introspect on what went wrong and change accordingly. Because even if you believe that she/he will come back, they won't come back for that old person who broke their heart in the first place.

So I changed. For the better. Yes I waited for that call and I still do. But I want her to see the changes that I made in myself too. Yes i did love her then, and I still love her now. But, I love myself more than anyone else.

I thank her for the lovely moments that she gave me, the care that she showed, the moments and the world that I dreamed of building with her. It all gave me motivation to be more and explore more.

One day she might or might not call back, but life is more than that. For both of us :)

One day I will find the courage and strength to visit that city again. May be she will meet or may be not.

Not every love is meant to end bitter. And you should never give up on people. And most importantly, you should never give up on yourself.

"Let no one who loves be unhappy, even love unreturned has its rainbow."

By:-Shivansh